Monday, June 25, 2012

Finding a partner or whatever!

I have so many friends and all of them are either married, engaged or in the process. I won't write about the former because as we all know, for them the story has come to a full stop. And I can perhaps write books about the latter one, i.e the ones who are in process of finding a partner or in other words who are in limbo. Since, this is a topic, on which everyone has a opinion or two cents to offer, I will pick up a relatively small and easier to comprehend  subject to write on, which is "what do guys look for when they are out there to find their better half or as I put it, the smaller half".

Going back, to the point that I have many friends, a whole lot are from the other sex and like many other things, they also have shared the kind of partner they are looking for. I was initially surprised but now have come to terms with the fact that they are looking for someone who is educated but not ambitious, good to have a conversation with but not who can speak her mind out, who is working but has a job which is neither demanding nor high paying, who is independent but can easily adjust in a joint family and finally who is beautiful to look at. There is nothing wrong with all what my friends have in mind, but the only part being that all throughout their lives they admire and appreciate women who are equals to them, whom they openly and frankly call awesome but when it comes to settling down in life, the awesome friend is just not an option and I am not saying a girl would want to explore a relationship with a male friend but well friends of friends could have worked right. Sadly, it doesn't, the male friends openly without a hint of remorse and shyness say.. "oh she is ambitious, may be as much as I am", "oh she earns way too much, after the recent raise, its a little more than I do", "she reads my mind quickly and its way too difficult to fool her". Come on guys, is your self worth that shaky, that any girl worth your stature is not giving a genuine try. Just imagine, what a plight it is for such girls, they have everything but a partner and primarily because they are good and may be as good as you are!

I know, the para above is slightly cynical and has generalized all my male friends which probably is not true. There is indeed a smaller subset of guys who don't look for smaller halves but for companions and equal partners for life. Since they are few in number, they are taken usually during school or college days. Thumbs up to all those who stood up for the girls they admired and what do I say for the rest, well all the best!

P.S. - I have met enough people of both kinds and all eventually find or are in the process of finding their partners so be happy and keep looking out :)

19 comments:

himanshu sharma said...

kirpa is coming

Neha Dua said...

hahah :) Kuch bhi :P

My Voice said...

Rightly said but yeah you did generalize all males here. Not everyone is looking for what you mentioned.

There are few who are still looking for a better half (not smaller half as you mentioned). Someone who is equally competent as they are, someone who understands life much more than them, because somewhere deep inside men do realize that when it comes to emotions women are more stronger than them and can be their true strength in times of emotional crisis. Someone who really let herself out to him and his family, someone who really understands how to take the family ahead and stay united. Someone who is not bounded by any means – be it profession or be it relationship. Someone who has a purpose to live her life rather accepting the life as it comes. Someone who should not limit her strength only to raising a family but to raise her status/reputation in the society, that could be professionally or elsewise.

Because when a man loves a woman he makes sure that he protects her in his arms. A man do understand that most of the time his lady will never ask him to be her support rather expects him to be with her in everything she does, whenever she needs him the most or the least he's there with her. There are many other things that we men do understand but can't express ourselves most of the time... but yea, keep the discussion going and more exchange of thoughts can bring in more behaviourial understanding of other sex, strengthening the relationship..

Madhu said...

Great post roomie...

Playing the devils advocate, I would like to point out what a lot of educated and ambitious girls look for in a prosperous groom..

While looking for a groom, it is rare that a girl does not look for someone earning a little more than her. Do they qualify as MCPs too ??

It is not just guys, it is our social conditioning..

Vaibhav said...

Nice thoughts... All the best.. Good things take tym.. I'm sure u'll soon get wht ya lookin for.. Just to add "exceptions r always thr".. Keep lookin ;)

Neha Dua said...

Roomie - thanks :) Yes, I am totally with you on what you said, in fact I am going to write a Part 2 of this post and mention about the girls!

Vaibhav - yes yes, we will all keep looking for the exceptions :P

satya said...

Neha,after all precautions taken,pros and cons debated,the situation will continue to change over the years and ultimately the lifelong success of a relationship will depend on each partners ability and mindset to give and forgive.

Abhishek said...

Such a lovely thought Neha..loved it..:)...But as Madhu said, the same story is true for girls as well..

Sam said...

Hey neha...great post.. but i know girls or their families who want someone better than them...if u hv done ur mba from MDI.. then u want the guy to be of IIT-IIM brand..or atleast IIM brand... nothing less than tht wud work.. as madhu said we r conditioned the same way... Patriarchal society!!:)

Mann said...

Interesting bt fact is its not only guys who got such things in their minds, even girls wants t same n may b more than guys..

Its human tendency to search for t best one bt no one search for the better & right one

Neha Dua said...

@ Abhishek, @Sam, @Mann - I know, I know, even girls do similar things and I am going to soon write a Part 2 of this post :)

satya said...

The word "Partner" denotes a "Partnership contract" which is revocable!
It is better in Hindi, "Jeevan Saathi"
May be life long commitment is alien to this generation, therefore "partner" may be more apt and correct!

Rahul said...

Neha, Awaiting Part 2 - Interested to hear your perspective ...

Neha Dua said...

Sure Rahul - waiting for the right words to come so that Part 2 doesn't disappoint you :)

prem said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
prem said...

Great! While I was sharing the same feelings with a friend today that how I find this absolutely shocking that guys who are smart, intelligent, studying at one of the best b-schools in the world - love you for the 'awesome friend or woman' you are - turn their back the moment it comes to marriage. For marriage, they want women who are educated but will sit at home, intelligent but few steps below them, and then definitely someone who is beautiful. and he shared this blog of yours! perfectly well written! Thank God I am not alone who sees it this way!

Neha Dua said...

Thanks Prem! Glad you liked it :)

Atul Mittal said...

I have read part-1 of the blog just now after reading part-2 of it.
In my opinion, the reason for guy looking for less better half and girl better half is simply the demography and social conditions. Average income of all gals(including non-working gals too) is much lower than average income of all guys. Must be true for India and i guess for other countries too.

Now by the virtue of this simple statistics, in majority of couples guy will have much more income than a girl. And only exceptional(minority) couples will have the situation otherwise. Thus majority of guys and gals want to be part of majority couples and don't want to be exceptions. I guess nothing wrong with that as it's natural tendency.

Neha Dua said...

Hey Atul, I am nowhere saying what is right or wrong. In fact, I agree about the social conditioning. However, there are many things beyond income which I was saying in both the posts for example - girls being utter confused with their ever expanding parameters and guys trying to find a somewhat stereotypical picture of a girl!