Sunday, December 19, 2010
I listen to my heart not because it has the sanest advice for me but because it gives me a fair chance to get what I badly want to. In fact, it is also my heart that plays all kind of mean tricks at me and gets me around. Just to elaborate on this, my little heart beats faster and then in a forlorn way tells me that if not now then its going to be never, it harps on how this life is just the one chance I have to live it and so I better live it on my own terms, then it says sharply that how I will later regret not listening to it and be one of those people who just pretend to be happy in life. These are all the things that I so fundamentally believe in that I have no choice but to give in to my heart.
My dear mind loses out on most occasions and frankly I don’t know why. It has a very simplistic view on life usually, it has no fancy words to say, it doesn’t even try blackmailing me, it plays straight with me and I like that to a very great extent. The only place where I think it loses out is that it reminds me of all the times when I listened to my heart and gave in and felt hurt and dejected. It is this part about my mind which I so badly dislike. You know its okay, I honestly tried, I fell straight in my face, I shed a few tears and like a brave girl I got up again. As long as I don’t nurture any grudges, as long as I am able to smile again, how does it matter what happened ages ago. So here goes, a small suggestion for my sane mind, please open up a little, don’t be scared of life. Laugh, love and live, trust me it will all turn out to be fantastic!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Your eyes that steal
The smile so shy
Will ever be mine
The beat that skip
On the words unsaid
The silence which felt
Like an epic being read
The hours that went
Your hands when held
With a promise to protect
In life and in death..
P.S - I don't have a title as yet for this poem, any suggestions?
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Dressing up in colorful warm clothes, snuggling into quilt and catching up on a nice old movie on television is my idea of a perfect winter evening. Actually come to think of it, it is the days which lead to the chill are the ones which I enjoy most. The sun is bright but with a tinge of blush, the ceiling fans are on but the speed gradually reduces, the jackets are out from the closet but still haven't found their way over the shirts. Its like enjoying the travel more than the destination. The craving for all the calorific dishes also start in these days. The temptation to eat and then sleep for hours together is hard to resist but nonetheless, its beautiful and I am loving it :)
Friday, November 5, 2010
It was weird because I was thinking hard, I just didn't want to miss anyone. Of course, if I miss a couple of old friends or a colleague it would not make any difference because anyway they would not know that I was sending bulk messages. It was then that it occurred to me that sending a Happy Diwali message is just a way of telling people that they matter and that even if we are not in touch and our last conversation happened ages ago, I think and care about them in my own small way.
Diwali is as much about warm wishes as it is about the pleasant weather, the glittering lights and delectable sweets. The spirits soar high and the mood gets enlivened. Its a marvel that people suddenly smile and hug each other in the festive season. Wish the season continues and brings millions of smiles to the billion I know :-)
Saturday, October 30, 2010
As it is in these days of inflated egos and independent lifestyles, we all agreed that adjusting with someone for an entire life time means a huge deal and so living in together might not be a bad option. It gives an insight into how your life would be in the future. As much as I agree to this, it saddens me to think that we have reached a stage where even after falling in love, after being committed to one person, there is so much more we contemplate about, so much more we need to try and test.
There is an oft repeated story, which I tell people. It is about my dad who when met my mom for the first time, scribbled on a piece of paper "Na tum hume jano, na hum tumhe jaane magar lagta hai kuch aisa mera humdum mil gaya". There are other stories too which reinforce my trust in love. Stories of uncles who wrote poems, love letters and traveled great deal to make a phone call to the one they were betrothed to. Love in that era was simple, pure, sweet and eternal. It was that leap of faith which people took and then never wavered for their entire lives.
The times might have changed and so have the stories. The only common thread (with women of course) which remains still is the desire to be with that one man, to be with that one man who will go down on his knees and express his love. That one man who will be the knight in shining armour. That one man after meeting whom, the heart will say that Love has found its way.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
There is a little girl, in her tattered old frock who would come running towards me on the Mayur Vihar crossing. She has a wheatish complexion, freckles, golden uncombed hair and a lovely smile. We would sometimes smile at each other when I couldn’t stop and at other times, she would shake her little hand with mine. I would inquire if she has eaten and slept, she would gracefully nod in affirmation. I asked her once what she would want and she asked for a comb and soap. I couldn’t believe the naivety of her answer and so next day gave her what she had asked for. I have never seen the joy which I saw in her eyes in that very moment.
There is a boy too, who is my favorite. He would meet me at the Lodi Road crossing. To say the least, he is a charming and shy boy. He would attract peoples’ attention by making ludicrous faces and then would plead them to buy one of the many things which he would sell. I bought from him a couple of times, the next time I met him I just offered him money because of my lack of motivation to buy any of things he offered. He refused with a sincerity which still lingers on in my mind.
Just when I thought that I would one day see this kids growing up into mature individuals who would have learned to live life on their own terms, they disappeared. The crossings and the sidewalks where they inhabited were suddenly steered cleared of the so called beggars. The CWG as much as brought development and infrastructural pace also left it ripple effects over the nameless faces who are forced to hide somewhere in the unknown streets.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
She was in her mid twenties, wearing a white Chudidar and Kameez, looking elegant yet simple. She had long black hair tied neatly in a braid, big eye lashes and a sharp nose. There was no makeup but a hint of pink color on her lips and kaajal in her eyes. As soon as the rain gathered momentum, her eyes lit up with naughtiness. It was as if she was expecting this, the day she is dressed in her white clothes, she will get drenched. Her vulnerable self wasn’t scared at all, in fact there was smile in her eyes.
As I kept staring in her direction, I could see that her dress was now soiled, hair all messed up, kaajal smudged and lip shade faded but she still looked gorgeous. She is not perfect it seemed but the way she stood there dreaming and dancing surely took my breath away. I couldn’t resist but approach her, I asked her who is she, what’s her name. She looked at me indulgently and whispered in my ears “Dilli”.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
I used to always wonder that how fragrances and music makes me miss people and places. Its only now that I have become a glutton, I have realized that food also reminds me of wonderful times and pleasant occurrences.
This actually started with me craving for Vada Pav, although my love for Vada Pav is very great and I have had it with so many friends and at so many places that I can write an entire book on the same but what distinctly stands out of all of these is the Vada Pav which Dilip Bhai used to get for me and AS. Dilip Bhai is this larger than life, typical Mumbaikar whom we happened to meet in a Branch in Mumbai. It was just for few days when we met him but he insisted that he treat us to the delicacy almost every day.
Gobi Manchurian, something of an Indian and Chinese dish has been a favorite of VB since the time I have known her. When my mom used to pack my lunch for having in college, she would ensure that the quantity of Gobi Manchurian was always enough for the two of us. Today, whenever I have it, I remember VB, though she is just a phone call away, I wish she also would have it with me. The long association I have with her doesn’t stop only at Gobi Manchurian, it extends to Bhel Puri as well. Bhel Puri was the typical item on any DU students’ menu but our fascination for Bhel was more to do with our ever increasing weight than anything else.
Aloo Parantha is ambrosia for my friend VC. He could devour it in no time and the way he elegantly put dollops of white butter would left me envying his super lean body. There was something between him and butter, he would have butter Maggi, butter roti and God knows what all. My dad as I have discovered has super duper culinary skills when it comes to Paranthas and so I miss him each time I have those. SK is anyway all about food but more so about sweets. The sweetheart he is, he would never forget to get me a plate of Ras Malai whenever he would visit Om Sweets in Sec 14, Gurgaon.
Now, since I am at it only I can’t help but mention my school time. I was a member of this trio gang in school and so we used to do everything together. We eventually discovered that all of us loved Chowmein. So, going to the NTPC Club and having Chowmein became something of a habit. Although we thoroughly enjoyed our binging session there was a peculiar thing we would always do. Even if we were dying of hunger, we just ordered one plate and then fought over it with our forks and spoons. It was our definition of friendship may be!
Finally, to add to the above list is Ginger tea served with a sweet gesture and an innovative way of having Subway.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
There are some things in life which make my heart go wide with elation. These things are usually simple chance occasions and thus I tend to forget them, so I thought to pen oops type them down and thus here I am.
I will start with the most recent and uncommon one, some days back on my way to office I saw a pretty and slender girl managing the traffic. She looked so very elegant in her traffic policewoman dress. I loved her grit, her resolve to be standing there in scorching heat and showing the way to us, to the insane drivers on the Delhi roads.
Then there is this one sight which I have loved since the time I was a child. Old couples clutching their hands, crossing the roads or just walking in a park. Love at that age is what mesmerizes me, not that I haven't stolen glances on young couples specially when guys give roses to their girls.
Finally, what is plain joy to my eyes is the rain drop on the leaves, the cute chubby child sleeping, the call from a friend I was missing, old hindi songs, the pictures which my parents clicked when I was a toddler, my first school report card, memory of my grandparents and old birthday cards.
It is so simple to be happy, to find smile for the lips and spark for the eyes.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Yesterday was a Saturday night out in Delhi and that too with 10 lovely ladies. My friend 20 (we share the name and so to lessen the confusion we call her by her roll number) from MBA days is getting married to her long time boyfriend (sigh, I had a huge crush on him!) and so we thought of throwing a bachelorette party for her. It was supposed to be a surprise and to some extent it was but well she did get some major hints.
After some long chain mail of how the logistics would be managed to what gift would be the best to what should be the theme of the party, we managed to arrange everything and reached Urban Pind for the party. She reached with a couple of friends and tried to look pretty surprised. To get the party moving, everyone ordered drinks and 20 got to cut the cake. I can dedicate a whole post to the cake and RG (the one who came up with the idea) but just to keep you all guessing, it was a pretty 'naughty' thing and all of us kept taking its picture.
Then came some real innovative games where in 20 was asked many embarrassing questions and she being a real sport answered them all. Though in most cases it turned out that she doesn't know her would be husband but such is life. We finally gave her some breather and all of us got into this game where in we let our dirty little secrets out! It was such plain simple unadulterated fun that I wish all my friends get married soon and we get to do this more often.
The party came to an end and we hugged and kissed and hugged some more. Hats off to all the ravishing girls who planned it and loads of love to the soon to be married couple :)
Saturday, July 17, 2010
So what happened the other day was that I got stuck in a jam and to make matters worse my car got jammed. It just wouldn't move, my first reaction was to give my car a big kick for ditching me like this. After a long tiring day at work, this was the last thing I wanted, but then I had no choice. So, I called my dad, wailed on the phone, he got all anxious and started from home. Now, I had one good hour to kill on the road. To my surprise this one hour went extremely well since the mausam was awesome and I got the time to catch up with good old friends.
This random experience of mine became all the more pleasant because I met so many people who came up to help me. Two guys on their bikes who pushed my car from the back and helped me to take the car to the corner of the road, one uncle who called my dad to tell that what was wrong with the car, a couple of more people who asked if they could drop me somewhere, it was amazing to see how people came forward to extend a hand to some one in distress.
I finally reached home at 11 30 PM and the mechanics who came with dad took the car to the garage. Now its back in shape and I am back to driving it on Delhi roads!
Sunday, June 20, 2010
In the first week of June, I travelled to Chandigarh. The moment I reached there, I was mesmerized by the clean, green and wide roads. To add to this was the absolute delight of seeing so many sardaars and sardaarnis, and as you know I am such a big fan of surds. Sadly, I couldn't find time to go and roam about the city, but I did catch up with my cousin for a dinner in the very famous Sec 17 and it was nothing less than fantastic. The air gave me such Punjabi, larger than life feeling that I almost wanted to settle down there.
After the feel good Chandigarh trip, it was time to fly down to Lucknow - the city of nawabs. When I landed, there was nothing I liked about it, the small dingy airport, the chaos to find a cab and finally the small roads which led me into the city. I was disappointed to say the least. I then decided to get down to work and therefore took a cycle rickshaw to my office in Hazratganj. After the tiring day at work, we (me and my colleagues) decided to gorge on food. Thanks to SS and his car he took us to some of the nicest chatwallas and kulfi shops. I devoured it all and that's when I started falling for this city. The food - delectable and the people - courteous. They were not just affable but also ever ready to go that extra mile to help. I also got the chance to buy some chikankari and I so totally love what I bought!
Now, I am back to Delhi - my own darling Delhi and just to keep my love for Delhi alive and burning, visited India Habitat Center with two friends last evening, awesome as always it was :)
Monday, May 31, 2010
So that night we just got talking about common friends, the college time dreams and finally how we landed in ICICI. The part I liked the most was about the dreams, I finally found someone who appreciated all the dreams I saw for myself. After the long chit chat with her I decided to come out of the closet and write on my blog about the dreams which still make me smile and some of which I still nurture somewhere in the corner of my heart.
As a young cute chubby girl who loved to dress up I thought of growing up into Miss India. To add to this fancy and lofty dream of mine was my Chachu who would always call me Miss India. Sadly the dream ended soon, thanks to my height. Then was an invention in India, FM Radio and I was so bowled over by it, there was now a job which would pay you for talking and would also let you play your favorite music. I loved the concept, adore the RJs and somewhere deep down I still want to be a RJ.
As years passed, I found myself academically inclined and the world was going the greenhouse way so I thought I would be a scientist working towards preserving the mother nature. This didn't seem viable in India so one more dream crashed. Finally, I thought I could be a writer and this blog you are reading now is a product of that dream!
P.S. - Please pour in with your dreams so that I get comforted with the idea that I am not the only one who dreams :)
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
you are the one I shall never forget
From morning till sunset
Those days were my best
The first shower that got us wet
Made me forget all the rest
Sweet nothings which once said
Are etched in my heart as yet
One small fight and I was upset
Now its late even to regret
This might be the end of all I felt
But forever will I cherish the moments spent
Of all the people I ever met
you are the one I shall never forget
Sunday, April 25, 2010
But as always, life is never what it seems to be. I began to take my career seriously and started preparing for CAT, with CAT came a lot of associated stuff like GDs and PIs. Slowly and steadily, I was able to cross those hurdles also. Finally, I was staring at the interviews which would make or break my career or at least that's what I felt. I got rejected and selected both, I tasted the feeling of being small, of being at some one else's mercy, of being a rock star and of being able to rule the world in spite of odds. Interviews are a helluva learning experience is what I now feel in hindsight.
Last week was the first time when I sat at the other side of the table, the questions were directed at some one else and I was simply evaluating. I didn't have to think twice about what I should wear or what I would say. Its simple to pass judgements, to say that some one is good or bad. It just takes about a minute for me to decide whether a person should be hired or not. I also feel guilty at times for the power I have to decide but so is nature of my job!
Monday, April 19, 2010
By the way if I have not mentioned I have also joined a new organization though I have not started really feeling its mine but then I have definitely started working for them. I miss my celebrity status of BoB, here I am a common worker it seems, but then I like slogging it out. It gives me immense satisfaction to complete a task and complete in a better way than it was expected. So though it gets exhausting at times, there are always surprises waiting for you, for example I happened to meet a long time school friend who is on a project and has been sitting out of my office building. It was such a pleasant surprise!
There are also days which are just plain simple boring, tiring and hot but end of the day there is nothing better than coming back to mommy daddy's hug and sleeping like a princess.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
I remember vividly how upset I was on that train from Ahmedabad to Mumbai. I was anxious and absolutely closed to the idea of leaving my parents and settling on my own. But I am glad that I did, though for a few months only.
My last days in Mumbai were undoubtedly one of the best days of my life. I lived each moment of it all - surprise shopping visits, awesome dinners, crazy dancing, endless treats, random beaches, crying bouts, senti talks ‘n’ walks, stay overs, Poker nights.. The warmth and love which was bestowed on me made me feel so special. It feels like I have always lived with them, each moment, each secret has always been shared with them. My memory fails to remember the time when these people didn’t matter.
It was not just great friends, but supporting bosses, a lovely woman, a caring cook, an inspirational girl, all of whom have left an indelible mark on me.
I am blessed! And I miss you all.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Colors also remind me of Holi and the wild ways with which people play Holi. But this Holi was a complete delight because I mostly played Holi with young kids (age upto 5). Since, I was at Mamu house for the Holi weekend, I didn't know many people. I was quietly standing in a corner which attracted a lot of attention from young kids. They came to me with their tanker sized Pichkaaris and attacked me full on :). By the way, I also discovered that if you have younger cousins (age upto 12) specially boys, it could be a bit of a pain. I was the victim of a toli of young and naughty boys for whom holi meant playing with color water balloons. I still shudder from the thought :
Apart from the normal playing holi with young and younger kids, it was a lot of fun to observe the teens and adults. The teens were having time of their lives, rain dancing, flirting and what not. But the adults, hats off to them, they were completely rocking. By adults, I don't mean people like me, but the real adults - the uncles and aunties. I saw so many uncles, who got a chance to hug aunties on the pretext of 'Holi hai!'. It was sometimes amusing and sometimes funny but in retrospect I think it was cute as long as the aunties didn't mind!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
It is not that I have read about the first time about blasts, it is a regular feature for anyone who lives in India, but somehow I am compelled now to write; to at least give this space on my blog to the blasts which have rocked us again.
The blasts happened on a weekend, in a purely innocuous place and took lives of innocent people. I feel disgusted of the extremely pitiful situation we are in. Young and old, Indians and foreigners all of us are equally vulnerable. It is like staring at death in the each single moment that we live. Some people get lucky and some don't. It is surprising that our fundamentals have changed, changed to an extent that instead of celebrating life, we fear life, instead of condemning death, we just put a number to death. Pune blast toll reaches 11.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
I dilly dallied for a couple of days and then thought that I cannot escape it so I must do it, do it fast and as honestly as possible. I went to each one of them personally and told them that I would be putting down my papers soon. They asked the reason and then wished me luck, in fact I owe them a huge thanks for not making this tough. They were kind and supportive which I think is a real sweet gesture.
Yesterday, its been just 8 months since I started working here and yesterday itself I received the Exit form. It is a strange feeling that I am exiting from here and that too within a span of few months. Also, suddenly I have started feeling that I am not a part of the system anymore. There are formalities to be undertaken, pending stuff to be completed and finally projects need to be handed over and then I will not be the person I was for my first employer. Sigh!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
2009 has been a year of a whole lot of new beginnings. I started my first job, I started living alone in a far off city and for the first time I felt that independence which I have only heard of. Living alone has made me stronger, I feel all grown up and I understand the concept of single woman in a big city. I started doing all the single woman stuff like buying vegetables, taking care of my electricity bills, internet bills and so much more which goes into making a house. I also travelled in the much talked about local trains and went on some really memorable trips - Mt. Abu, Lonavala, Goa and Kashid & Alibaug.
2009 also was an year which brought to end to many things. I finally put a full stop to my studies, in simpler words I was convocated. It was an year of economies going into deep recession and with that all my dreams of getting a high paying job were also quashed. One thing which proabably had the greatest impact on me was that my special friend has become just a friend now. It is indeed very tough to let go but some other time about that.
2010 - I started the first day of the New Year with the CMD of my organization wishing me and giving me a rose for my birthday which happens to be in January and also telling me that I am the youngest of all the people who were present there that day. I had a nice pastry, a yellow rose and lots of good wishes. Just to make the day perfect I kept humming "Allll is Welll" throughout the day, wore a nice and lively smile and visited a temple in the evening. With that I hoped that this will be a year full of happiness and blessings for me and for everyone around.